I know I am not alone in having trouble saying "no" to things--especially as a woman. There are so many things I want to do, it's hard to turn things down. Sometimes I can't say no because I feel guilty, or obligated. Usually, though, I say "yes" without even thinking; if I can do it, then I should do it.
For a number of years, this worked for me...sort of. I ran through life, from one thing to the next, not really having the time to be present to any of it. For the last 20 years I have worked, raised children, volunteered at school, maintained a house, volunteered in the community, acted, sang, helped out friends and family, ran marathons and races, and on and on. It probably doesn't sound too different from your own life. It wasn't until this last fall, that suddenly (and I do mean suddenly), this crazy life caught up with me. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't.
So what happened? It felt as if I hit a brick wall. Trying desperately to control every aspect of my teenage sons' lives, while working and doing all these other activities pushed me over an edge. I think it all began with a helicopter crash last February in which five people died--people we knew. It was followed by a couple more tragic deaths of young people in our community and then the death of a friend from high school. I think my undoing was at least nine months in the making (if not years prior to that). These untimely deaths planted seeds in my soul that started growing, pushing out old thoughts and behaviors and demanding new ones.
If life is so uncertain (and it's easy to pretend for stretches of time that it's not), then I need to make conscious choices about how I want to live it. Living in constant fear and worry, trying to control everything, stressing out over what needs to be done next isn't me living my life--it was my life living me. I made a conscious decision to quit working at a job that I was totally burnt out on, and spend this year supporting (not controlling) my sons and working on my writing and speaking skills.
What happens when you actually make a decision about what to do? Why wonderful opportunities come your way, of course! Opportunities that I now have to say no to, based on the direction I've chosen. I have to say no to people with whom I've worked for years and admire and respect. I have to say no to work that gratifies my ego and would earn us some extra cash. I have to say no to travel and another accomplishment for my resume.
The opportunity, I need to remember, is not in saying yes this time. The opportunity is in saying no to anything that might distract me from the course I've chosen. If I continue to fill up these spaces with busy-ness, I will find myself right back where I was. So, I take a deep breath, choose to let go of all the chatter and fear, and find the courage (yes, courage) to say "No. Thank you, but no."
