Commemorating 9/11

I'm sure that every American who was over the age of five remembers that day. Living on the west coast, it was very early in the morning. We were just getting up and starting our day. I remember feeling scared, thinking our entire nation was under attack. First one plane. Then another. Then the third. Then the fourth. Then days of total silence and empty skies as all flights were stopped. Then weeks and months of images of destruction, tales of loss, and, eventually, stories of sickness of first responders. It was a dark, dark time.

While I did not know anyone who died that day, I--like many Americans, I'm sure--entered a period of depression. I was plagued by sadness, crying at odd times without provocation. It was an immense, all-encompassing sadness that I understand cannot compare to the ongoing loss felt by those who lost loved ones that day, but nonetheless was a personally challenging time. Even though it was ten years ago, it feels vivid and tangible.

As we near the anniversary of this terrible day, I find myself plagued by stories in the media. Every radio station is "remembering 9/11." There are TV shows. On NPR they had stories from parents and grandkids of those who died in the attacks. As I listened this morning in the car, I found myself crying, tears streaming down my cheeks as they did ten years ago. I had to turn the channel. And it made me think. What are we doing?

In no way am I suggesting that we forget, but I have to wonder, especially with the current economic chaos and uncertainty in which our country currently finds itself, is all of this "commemorating" a good idea? If someone's family was tragically murdered, would any therapist suggest that every year, or every ten years, they reenact, retrace, re-imagine the horror of every minute of that day? It seems unhealthy. It feels unhealthy--at least for me.

I would like to know what the families of the deceased would like to do to remember their loved ones. There is a giant controversy over the ceremony in New York City. Who is invited, who is not. Is this really a way to honor those who died and remember what happened? What might be a more appropriate way to honor those thousands of lives without plunging ourselves back into the deep despair that followed the original event? There must be a better, brighter way to move forward out of the tragedy.

I, for one, am not participating. I will not watch the TV programs. I will not listen to the radio. I will not be part of the sensationalism of one of the worst days in American history. I will call my friend, Maureen, whose brother--a firefighter--died that day and give her my condolences. I will say a prayer for all those still suffering. I will honor those who died by doing something positive in my community--something that builds connection so that we are not so divided by religion, politics, skin color and all of the other labels we like to put on people so that we can be right and "they" can be wrong.

But I will not dishonor those who died by being part of the media circus. And I will not return to the darkness of ten years ago. I will be part of the light. It just feels like the right thing to do, the honorable way to commemorate an unspeakable loss--being a little splinter of mirror reflecting light into the dark corners so that hopefully no one has to experience anything like this ever again.