Saying Grace: A Thanksgiving Note

Today is Thanksgiving and Facebook is all-alight with statements of gratitude and platitudes of thanks. Now I happen to think the group of people that are on my friends list are pretty aware and enlightened (like me, right?). I know that these good people are thankful for friends, family, and blessings more than this one day a year. I wonder, though, if like me, they get complacent sometimes. All these messages gave me pause to consider, for what am I most thankful?

It is easy to get bogged down in the seemingly important details of my life. With two teenage boys in the house, there is plenty to fret about as they alternately dip their toes in, then plunge, then recoil into adulthood. Being married 21 years is no easy task either. When I tell you that being home all day not working is a challenge, I can see why you may not see why, but take my word for it—it gives me a little too much time with myself and there is plenty to worry about there.

So this morning began like any other holiday morning of late: Jim and I slept in until 9 or so, I went for a run, the kids are still sleeping at almost 1 and we need to leave in half an hour, and my appetizer is getting ready to go in the oven.  As I ran this morning—sometimes waving at the other food-loving souls who were trying to pre-empt the damage of today’s indulgences—it gave me plenty of time to think about what I am thankful for.

One word immediately came to mind: Grace. I am most thankful for grace. Grace from my husband, my kids, my friends, and, of course, God. You may find this hard to believe, but I can be quite irritable and snappy. Jim, my ever-lovin’ husband, often bears the brunt of this, since we don’t see the teens much and I have no co-workers to help with the burden. You see, sometimes, he annoys me.

Like when he loudly picks at his nails while we’re watching TV…snap, snap, snap. (evil eye) Or when he asks 30 times during the movie who that character is and what just happened (evil eye accompanied by irritated sigh) Or when he launches into another life-lesson lecture at dinner. I think I’d better stop there.

It’s easy when I am so irritated to focus on him and what he is or isn’t doing, but eventually what occurs to me is not what a great wife I am to love such an annoying person (ha!), but what a great husband he is for loving me despite my being annoyed.

What is the key to a lifelong marriage? Grace. He forgives me. He gives me another chance. He sees past my evil eyes and petty sighs and loves me despite my impatience and arrogance. He waits for the kind and loving wife he knows I can be to once again resurface. He loves me for who he knows me to be, not for who I am being in the moment. Makes me think that this grace thing is more than just the key to a long marriage, but also the key to a joy-filled life.

What better display of God’s love could I ask for?  So today, and all days, I am thankful for grace. And my hope and prayer is that as I continue to receive it from Jim and others around me, I will be better at freely giving it as well. May your Thanksgiving, and all your days, be filled with the joy of giving and receiving grace.

The Value of a Human Life

What is the value of a human life? This question is unanswerable because we don't have all the data. Our small brains cannot process the impact one person has on the world. I think we lose sight of how much we change the world every day by our mere existence. I know I do.

I have always been proud of my accomplishments: excelling in school, being part of the foundation of Starbucks' success, running a successful 15-year consulting business, creating a great marriage, raising two amazing young men. This year, when I decided to quit working, I realized just how much of my self-worth is tied up in this "accomplishing." For almost a year now, I've not contributed to our family financially, and with my kids in their teens, my mommying has been less in demand as well. Who am I if I'm not producing?

I was sure that I was destined to do "something big"--whatever that means. It didn't necessarily mean fame and fortune, although those themes definitely wove in and out of my dreams, but it did mean doing something significantly world-changing. Something all could see, point to, and recognize as a "wow, that really changed the world" contribution. Now that I'm reaching mid-life, I'm beginning to wonder if that's my destiny (notice I say, "beginning to wonder"...I haven't let go of that dream yet).

Instead, I am wondering if we can recognize those "something bigs" when they occur, because I think most of the time, we can't see them until we look back. Steve Jobs is a great example of someone changing the world right before our eyes, but it took place over many years, in small steps, and over a tumultuous course, so it wasn't always easy to recognize. What strikes me now, is how much each of us changes the world each day, simply by living our lives.

It is impossible for us to know the lives we have touched, what small act or gesture, what conversation, touched someone and altered their path. Does the pebble know the course of the ripples it created upon being tossed into the pond? If I had one wish for every human being on the planet, it would be for each of us to know that our lives, no matter how small, have impacted more people than we can imagine. If each of us could fathom our greatness and the extent to which we impact others, our words might be sweeter, our eyes softer, our hearts bigger.

Living a life of purpose, to me, means knowing that I don't have to produce to have impact. I just have to be. I have to be present. In each moment, I can strive to bring my best self so I don't miss out on the opportunity to do "something big"--share a smile, bring an open mind, open a loving heart. I may not make the history books, but then again, some small thing done in the moment, might just change the course of history. It's worth a shot.