The Joy Choice (Part 3)

(Part 3 of 3)

Choosing to Laugh and Play More

The last choice I'll share with you in my quest to choose joy is choosing to laugh and play more. We humans tend to take life so seriously! We need to lighten up, laugh a bit more. Right now my son is a senior in high school and talk about serious...you should hear parents who are going through this college admissions process!

What is he going to do next year? Which school is he going to? What if he doesn't get in to his first choice? What if he doesn't get in at all? When is this due, that due, what if he doesn't graduate--he'll never be able to be productive in the world! All will be lost!

The fact of the matter is, they're going to be okay, these seniors of ours. Why do we insist on creating all this stress and pressure on them at what is probably one of the most exciting, hopeful times of their lives? This is a time of opportunity and dreams...all on mom and dad's dime! If we could just lighten up about it, maybe they could experience the joy of the experience.

Even in our darkest circumstances, there are opportunities for us to play and laugh. The late Gilda Radner, a marvelous comedienne, said: "Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I'm a comedienne, and even cancer wasn't going to stop me from seeing the humor in what I was going through."

And play and laughter is not only good for us personally, but it also connects us to those around us. Another great comedian and musician, the late Victor Borge said: "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

But I'd dare to take it one step further.

Choosing joy--through laughter, choosing our thoughts, making choices, noticing, and however else--does more than just impact me or the people I come in contact with on a regular basis. I would argue that it changes the world. 

How can we solve war and discord in the world if we do not first eliminate it in our own hearts and minds?

So, for me, in this moment and in as many moments as possible while I am on this planet...I choose joy.

I hope you will, too.

The Joy Choice (Part 2)

(Part 2 of 3)

Choosing What I Say "Yes" To

When I hit my emotional/physical brick wall a little over a year ago, initially I had to say no to everything. I was physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted so it was easy to just stop doing anything. As I started to feel better and get my energy back, I found that I was much more discerning about what I chose to spend my time and energy on. I've spent the last year learning that NO is a complete sentence...and I can say it!

In my old life, I had two criteria for doing things--if I could do it or if I thought I should do it, then I said yes. This lead to a crazy life that was living me instead of me living my life. Now, I ask myself: do I want to do it or do I feel so strongly that this needs to be done that I want to do it? If the answer is yes, then I choose to commit to it. If the answer is no, even if it seems like a really fun thing or great opportunity, I say no. (For more on this, check out my article: When Saying Yes Means Saying No on HeadDrama.com).

What I've found is that because I am spending my time and energy on the things that I choose to do, the things that are important to me, I get more joy out of participating in them! Choosing what I say "yes" to has heightened my experience of joy in my daily life.

Choosing to Notice More

Another choice I've made is choosing to notice more. We can have people and events all around us that bring us joy, but our lack of recognition can lessen our experience of it. It is so easy to just get on autopilot and do what we've always done without taking time to notice moments of joy.

A woman in my writing group was sharing her experience of this the other day. She loves to do Zumba® fitness dance classes, but had realized that she was going but not really taking the time to notice how much fun she was having while she was there. The simple act of stopping to make mental note of how much fun she was having increased her experience of joy in taking the class and in her day.

We are such creatures of habit--sitting in the same spot on the sofa, taking the same route to school or work, shopping at the same stores--I think sometimes we need to purposely shake things up so that we can notice more.

Years ago, I worked at Starbucks corporate offices and one of the vice presidents had previously owned a furniture store. He told us that he made a conscious effort every day to enter the store in a different manner: sometimes he crawled on his hands and knees, other times he'd climb on a chair. These vantage points gave him a different perspective and he noticed things that he would have otherwise missed if he'd just walked in the same old way.

So choosing to take the time and make the effort to see shift my perspective is increasing my experience of joy in my daily life. It ain't always easy...but it's worth it!

Stay tuned for Part 3: Choosing to Laugh and Play More

The Joy Choice: Little Decisions That Make Life More Joyful (Part 1)

(Since this was originally a ten-minute speech, I'm going to break this down into several blog posts so that someone might have a prayer of actually reading all of them.)

Part 1 of 3

I love watching little kids when I'm out and about--2, 3, 4 year olds--the ones that are too little to be in "real" school yet. They seem to have an innate sense of whatever will bring them joy and they just do it! They twirl or drop to the ground and roll around or stick a finger in their nose. They do what they want to be joyful and don't care what anyone (including their parents) thinks. Somewhere along the way, I think most of us lose that sense of what will bring us joy and then choosing to act on it.

A little over a year ago, I had a bit of a meltdown. I had a fantastic life--wonderful husband, great marriage, two wonderful kids, our home (something to be grateful for in this day and age), our health--and yet I wasn't happy. Sure their were moments of happiness, but I didn't have that deep-down core happiness that I call joy. And I couldn't figure out why. I had everything I'd dreamed of, yet joy eluded me. Then, the meltdown. I hit a psychic brick wall and had to just stop everything. I was physically and mentally exhausted from "living the dream."

I was blessed enough to have the time over the next year to do some serious personal work. I got to explore why I wasn't experiencing joy and how I might experience more of it. What I discovered was that much of my joy was in the choices I was (or wasn't) making. I'd like to share some of the ways I've been choosing joy in my life.

Choosing My Thoughts

If you think about it, much of our experience is really about what we are thinking. If we are having stressed out, worried thoughts, we are experiencing a stressed out, worried life. And vice versa.

For example, my son goes to school about a half hour from our house and I get to experience an hour's worth of freeway and downtown commuting right at rush hour. Believe me, other drivers give me plenty of opportunities to lose my joy! They change lanes without signaling, they cut me off, go too fast, go too slow, tailgate...and my first reaction is anger. Irritation. Swearing. But none of my reaction affects them, my reaction only serves to ruin my own day. My joy is in my perception.

There was a story in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books a long time ago. You've probably heard it before: A woman is looking forward to a quiet commute home on the train and a man gets on with his unruly young children. She gets more and more worked up, wondering why he isn't doing something about his kids' behavior so finally, she confronts him. The man explains that they are on their way home from the hospital where his wife, the kids' mother, just died. In an instant, her perception shifts. The kids are still unruly, she's still tired, but that one little piece of information melts her anger into empathy.

Maybe that guy who just cut me off is on his way to Phoenix Children's Hospital where his kid is fighting cancer. Maybe that woman tailgating me can't be late to work again or she'll lose her job--and her home. I don't know what their stories are, but isn't it just as easy for me to assume that they're not just assholes? The fact is I get to experience more joy in my life when I choose to think positive thoughts...OR when I just choose not to think negative thoughts.

Tune in next time for choice #2: Choosing What I Say "Yes" To