I have a pause problem. And it’s not menopause…yet. For some reason, I seem to have a hard time pausing. Big pauses, little pauses, it doesn’t really matter. Pausing is not a natural skill with which I have been blessed. If a thought enters my mind, I blurt it out. If I experience an emotion, I show it. I run from thing to thing, speak from sentence to sentence, without pausing. It’s beginning to be a problem.
Truly, it’s always been a problem. When I was consulting, there was many a time I’d lose my cool a bit with a client. A friend and associate of mine had this great reaction when something went wrong or when she was surprised by something a client said or did: she would pause. She would put her hand to her chin, look up a little to the right, and give a little, audible “hmmmm.” It was perfect. Just the right amount of time to consider possibilities, control emotions, and formulate an appropriate response. I envied her pause.
Now that I am working on my public speaking through Toastmasters, feedback on my lack of pausing is coming up more frequently. Like after every speech I do. I’ve coached people on public speaking, for gosh sakes, I know the value of a pause! But for some reason, when I’m up there, the words just rush right out and the pauses never come. It makes breathing a little difficult.
I have difficulty with bigger pauses as well. Life pauses. Like the one I’m in right now. I left my 20+ career in corporate training and communications in February (by my own choice), and have been in a pause ever since. A six-month pause. At first I didn’t rush to fill it, but now I am getting antsy. Looking at jobs, contemplating writing books and articles, searching for what is next.
When I catch myself in “filling-the-pause” mode, I am working on quietly reminding myself that the best thing I can do with this pause is be present. I take a deep breath, and ask for help being calm and aware. Looking back on life, I can see that the pauses have set me up for the next thing, so it’s important to see it when it comes and save my energy for it. Sure, I know it will take some effort on my part, but I also know I’ll know it when I see it. The worst thing I could do is waste time and energy on stuff that isn’t “it.”
Breathe. Listen. Watch…Pause.
There’s nothing like a giant pause to perfect my pausing skills!
