New Thinking is Nothing New...but still amazing

The idea has been around forever--or at least as long as I can remember. It's the concept that if you change the way you think, you change the way you feel. AA calls it "stinkin' thinkin'" and there are other various versions of this. It seems to be the premise of almost all of today's self-help gurus.

Yet, most of us are stuck in the same old thought patterns. Those thought patterns dictate how we feel, which in turn have huge influence over how we act. These thought patterns lead us down destructive paths to jobs we hate, failing marriages, bad relationships with our kids, and overall angst and loneliness (for which the prescription drug world is extremely grateful).

Genetically, some of us seem to be better off than others. To me, the nature/nurture debate leans to the side of nature on this one. Regardless of the environments in which people are raised, a positive thinking pattern seems to be something inherited rather than learned. I'm pretty much convinced that those of us who weren't lucky enough to inherit that positive thinking have a challenging job when it comes to changing those patterns.

Yes, I am in the negative thinking group. I hate to say it, but it's true. Despite having a wonderful upbringing, great successes, and strong relationships, I tend to look at the cup as half empty. Then, I feel guilty about it. Changing this pattern is the challenge I face daily.

When it comes to work, I think we need to factor in this "change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior" idea. After working in training and communications for over 20 years, I can tell you that just focusing on the changing behavior part doesn't work--because you're not touching the underlying causes of that behavior. We've always had to be careful in corporate training not to get too psychological, but behavior and psychology are so intertwined, it's pretty much inevitable.

I just read a great book thanks to my husband (and his boss). It's called "Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box" by The Arbinger Institute. It presents another version of this "change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your behavior" model--and some of us need to see things in a variety of ways before we really "get it." This story motivated me to, once again, experiment with changing my thinking. I've done it in several specific occasions over the years and, oddly enough, I am always surprised by the results.

Instead of thinking, "I don't wanna" "I wish I didn't have to" "What if I forget something?" "What if I'm wrong?" "What if they ask me something I don't know?"--I've been thinking "This is fun! I want to do this! If I have fun, they will too." Also, a few gems I've gotten over the years: (from my voice teacher) "I'm here to share, not to show; to express, not to impress" and (from Wayne Dyer) "Being myself involves no risks. It is my ultimate truth and I live fearlessly." Not only have I FELT happier, I've had great opportunities come my way and I've had fun. Shocking. It works.

Now, if the corporate world would just be open to incorporating this work into company culture (instead of looking at it as "touchy, feely, psycho, mumbo-jumbo"), we might start getting somewhere.

The Essential Components to Capture Your Audience

I've been working with people on public speaking for the last year or so as well as doing some of it on my own. I got to thinking the other day, about what makes a good speech or presentation. Of course, part of it depends on your purpose and audience, but there are a few key components that stand out.
1) Words
You need to know what you're going to say. It doesn't have to be written out, although it may be appropriate to use notes, or at least an outline. I do think, though, that you should write out what you're going to say. Even if you don't read it--having in mind what the words are that you want to use will keep you on track and give you confidence.
2) Authenticity
You need to believe in what you're speaking about and speak from the heart. If you're going to get your audience from point a to point b--you better know why you want to take them there and be able to truthfully tell them how and why.
3) Animation
This is a tough one, because not everyone is animated. It needs to be a "real" animation--one that rings true with your personality--but it might need to be more exaggerated that what you're used to. Smiling, making eye contact, pausing, making fun of yourself--these are all things that can help you to be more animated, but they don't come naturally to most of us in front of an audience. It takes practice.
4) Practice.
Let me say it again: practice. And again, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. It may feel strange, but the truth is, the only way you can be successful is with practice--real and imagined. Visualization is critical. You need to walk through your presentation in your head, repeatedly. Then, you need to get in front of a mirror, your family, the dog--whoever--and practice. The more you practice, the better you'll get.
5) Mindset.
It's not about you, it's about them. Keep in mind that it's not about what you have to tell the audience--it's about what they want/need to hear. If you shift your focus from YOU to THEM, you'll find your odds of success improve dramatically.

There's more, but that's enough for now! Having a coach can be very helpful because we can't see what we can't see. It's very hard to judge our own performance. Having someone to observe and give you constructive feedback can be immensely helpful.