We Don't Sell Shirts

I did improv for a few years--theater improv where you create scenes on the spot. In improv, there is a concept called "yes, and..." It is basically the idea that in order to move the scene along, you need to agree with whatever "offer" your fellow improviser makes. Not agreeing is called "blocking" and stops the scene dead in its tracks. Example of blocking:

Improviser #1: (pointing into the sky) "Wow! Look! It's a spaceship!"
Improviser #2: (folding arms and shaking head) "That's not a spaceship, it's just a weather balloon."

Ouch. Being blocked feels like you were completely rejected. Now you are stuck trying to make an interesting scene and play nice with someone you don't like very well at the moment. Now consider this example of "yes, and...":

Improviser #1: (pointing into the sky) "Wow! Look! It's a spaceship!"
Improviser #2: (getting excited and looking in direction of pointing) "Yes, and it looks like it's getting ready to land!"

Yay! Now we get to take the scene any one of a million different fun directions. You feel loved and are looking forward to playing nice with the other person. Of course, you don't always have to say "yes, and..."--it's just the concept of agreeing on the initial offer and moving it forward together.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am continually shocked and amazed at how few people get this in life. Blocking seems to be the norm rather than the exception. I'm just as guilty of it even knowing about the principle! When businesses do it, though, it is baffling.

We recently went to Sonoma, California. We were at a winery that bears our last name and my husband was pretty giddy about it. It was a beautiful winery and tasting room--obviously a lot of money and taste had gone into it. The wine tasting room manager was friendly enough, and we enjoyed the wines enough that we bought a case (mostly because the bottles bear our name :). My husband also wanted to buy a shirt like the one she had on. She looked around and checked into it--nope, no shirts. He asked what happened when a new employee started--didn't he or she get a shirt? Hmmm...yes, but we don't sell shirts. He even followed up by e-mail, sure that they would throw in a shirt with our case of wine, but no, we don't sell shirts.

I run into this repeatedly as a consumer and with my clients, too. Why on earth would you reject a customer? What in the world are you thinking? YES! Here is a shirt! YES! Spread our brand all over where you live so people will know who we are and buy more wine! YES! We love your business and it is our pleasure to GIVE you a shirt!

So just remember, next time a customer (or friend, spouse, co-worker--anyone really) makes you an "offer": YES! And...just see where it takes you!

What's Your Personal Communications Strategy?

If you Google "public speaking" you'll come up with hundreds, if not thousands, of people willing to charge you a fee to "free you from your fear of public speaking." There are classes, workshops, programs, books, videos--just about anything you'd like to spend your money on. Which is great, because different things work for different people. I really don't think there's a magic pill, bullet, or method, though. I do think a coach can help. And I think public speaking is only one part of the way you communicate.

I don't like to call myself a "public speaking coach" because that is such a small piece of a person's overall communications style and image. Public speaking is just one way you communicate and it needs to be consistent with the way you write, the way you speak in personal situations, and the way you present yourself. Basically, you need a communications strategy for yourself. Your strategy requires three things: 1) authenticity 2) practice 3) flexibility.

Authenticity: If it isn't "you," it won't work. Having a speechwriter is helpful, but unless you make it your own, you won't feel comfortable with it and your message won't resonate with your audience. One strategy I've been using is to have the client explain to me what he wants to say, I say it back--more succinctly and powerfully, then he translates that back into his own style. It's a way of clarifying his thoughts and making sure his audience can understand him, but at the same time using his own words and speaking style.

Practice: There is a mis-belief that if you are good at something it doesn't require practice. WRONG. Practice is critical. Practicing all aspects of your communications strategy is important: listening skills, public speaking, writing. The more you practice, the more naturally your communication skills will become. In her book, "Mindset," Carl Dweck tells us there are two types of mindsets: fixed and growth. In a fixed mindset, people either "have it" or they don't. They are afraid of failing, or of risking looking stupid, and believe that if you "have it", then it should be easy and you shouldn't require work or practice to be successful. In a growth mindset, people realize that anything is possible--anyone can learn, improve, and excel--through PRACTICE.

Flexibility: Even with a coach, improving your communication skills is a trial and error process. Some things will work well, some won't work at all, and you may even have a few errors. Give yourself permission to try new things, risk looking stupid, and understand that it's possible to recover from pretty much anything. In the 1988 Democratic convention in Atlanta, during Bill Clinton's first national appearance, he was so boring the crowd actually cheered when he said "in conclusion..." The future president when on to become one of the best public speakers of the century. Mistakes happen, learn from them, adjust, and move on.

By staying authentic, practicing, and being flexible, you can improve your skills and get your message across.