What is Mainstream?

The past few months have been a time of introspection for me. As my first born is turning 17 and we are focused on helping him toward independence, and my youngest is now 14, I am focused on the hard work of parenting teens. Although society frequently tells us that this is a daunting job, I still find myself looking around and wondering if it's as hard for everyone else as it seems to be for us!

It's not that we have bad kids; on the contrary, we have great kids! I am amazed every day by their senses of humor, their brilliance, their resourcefulness and loving kindness. They have beautiful hearts (messy rooms and smelly, dirty clothes, but beautiful hearts). And yet, they each face challenges that I don't see the majority of other kids around them facing. I told someone the other day, "they're just not mainstream." Her reply? "Why would they be? You're not either."

I have to admit it took me aback a bit. I have always wanted to be mainstream--at least part of me did, but it's true that another large part of me has always been different and wanted to be different. And if you ask anyone who knows Jim if he's a typical accountant...well, don't be surprised if you're met with a chuckle. While we aren't WAY out there, it's true that we probably haven't taken the road more traveled.

So I am doing a lot of letting go. Letting go of who I thought my kids would be. Letting go of who I thought I would be. Letting go of having control over what they choose to do. Letting go of the things I have been doing--like my work. It feels good on one hand, but on the other it's a little disconcerting. A bit like floating in space--looking down at how lovely the marble Earth is, but terrifying to be untethered to it.

I am beginning to see, however, that after this letting go, it's time for embracing. Embracing the wonderful, unique people my kids are and are becoming. Embracing a new vision of myself, what's important to me and what I want to achieve. Embracing not being in control and loving "what is."

Eventually I'll wade through enough of this psychological muck to see the possibilities and explore them. In the meantime, we'll keep hacking our way through the weeds and helping our boys to do the same. Creating your own path is challenging, but in the end, (hopefully) rewarding.