Expect Nothing, Be Open for Anything

“The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.” - Eli Khamarov

Every frustration, disappointment, or fear in my life comes from expectations. Sometimes it's that people aren't who I expect them to be, or they don't do what I expect them to do. Situations don't turn out the way I expected. It seems that culturally, we talk of "hope" and "expectations" as if they are good things, but I am beginning to wonder. It seems to me that it is better to live in the moment and free myself of expectations, since hoping and expecting are all about a future that I cannot see.

A standard part of human experience is that we fear not living up to others' expectations. We talk of "expecting more" of our kids or our employees. But really, when we have specific expectations of others, aren't we limiting who they can be? What they can accomplish? When we have expectations of ourselves or others, they are based on our tiny, little, pea-sized view of the world. How can we create expectations for the best possible things in our life when we can't even see all of the possibilities?

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, says: The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new." By creating expectations on what we "know" to be true, we are restricting ourselves from taking in new information. If my goal is truly to be present—for that is all I have—then it seems to me that I must let go of expectations. Even "hoping" implies expectation—hope for the best—so it seems best to leave that behind as well.

Backward-facing emotions like regret, shame, and guilt usually come from past expectations. I didn't expect to lose that friendship. I expected more of myself. My parents expected more of me. These rear view thoughts serve as a cage to keep us from the present and all of the possibility of "what could be."

Moving forward, my choice is to expect nothing, but to notice everything. To pause, and say "Hmmm...based on my limited world-view, my tiny sense of truth, this doesn't look so good. It's not what I expected. But who knows what a God of the Universe could DO with this! Let's see what happens!"