Wow, Too Bad You’re Not Taller...and Ten Pounds Thinner

I had an epiphany today. When I tell you what it was, some of you will say, “duh.” But some others of you might have an epiphany, too. Still others won’t be ready to hear it yet, but someday, you will. So tuck it away.

Here it is: There is no such thing as being self-deprecating.

I grew up in a culture where women were taught that the polite, humble thing to do when complimented was to put ourselves down or dismiss the compliment.

“What a lovely dress!”

“What? This old thing?”

or

“You look beautiful!”

“Maybe if I lost ten pounds!”

We were told and shown that it was immodest and haughty to accept a compliment, to acknowledge our accomplishments. What happened, at least for me, was that I learned to put myself down—to others and in my own head. I thought that’s what nice girls did, but there’s nothing “nice” about it.

Every time we put ourselves down, we put down our source, our Creator. We tell Him or Her, “you didn’t do a very good job.” We basically tell our parents the same thing. Our put-downs tell our spouse or partner that he or she didn’t choose very well, or their eyesight or judgement isn’t very good. Our self put-downs tell our kids that we’re not worthy of love or respect...and neither are they, since they so closely align their goodness (or lack of it) with ours.

I’ve noticed that when I put myself down in a group of friends, even though I think I am expressing dissatisfaction with some aspect of myself, really I’m telling them they’re not good enough either. When I say I’m too tall, how do taller friends feel? Or how do my shortest friends react? What about when I comment on my weight? What am I saying about their weight? Regardless of the fact that I love them exactly the way they are...fat, thin, short, tall...what I am telling them is that they are not good enough either, and they have terrible judgement if they think I am smart, beautiful, or any number of other positive things.

So let’s just all give it up, shall we? (And definitely let's put an end to it with this generation!) I’m not saying we have to go around touting our gifts, talents, and achievements (although, why not, really?). What I am saying is let’s put the kibosh on put-downs of all kinds. We would never think of saying to our friends “Hey, too bad you’re not taller and ten pounds thinner!”

Yet, when we say terrible things about ourselves we are inadvertently commenting on all those around us.

Maybe next time you catch me saying something self-deprecating, you can just simply say, “You’re wonderful just the way you are...and so am I.” It will be a nice reminder that the God of the Universe doesn't compare and did a pretty darn good job.

For those of you that have always known this, there is no lengthy lecture necessary (that only defeats the purpose). For those of us working on it, it will be a good reminder for ourselves and others. For those who aren’t yet ready to absorb this yet...all I have to say is “You’re wonderful just the way you are...and so am I.”